Valentine’s Day–aka Love, American Style, the Movie–is one of those criss-crossing ensemble pieces starring literally everyone alive who’s ever walked the earth and ended up in front of a camera.
In an attempt to satisfy every possible demographic, it has young people, old people, whites, blacks, Hispanics, and Asians. There are Indian characters so they can throw in a tiny bit of Bollywood-style movement a la Slumdog Millionaire.
There are horny teens, cutesy kids, and geriatric people with a secret. There are lots of straights kissing and a couple of gays not kissing. And there are Oscar winners, has-beens, almost-theres, and never-wuzzes.
What’s more, there are two Taylors, two people from the Roberts family, and two stars of That ’70s Show!
The cast includes the following all-encompassing bunch of beings:
Ashton Kutcher, Julia Roberts, Emma Roberts, Anne Hathaway, Bradley Cooper, Jessica Alba, Jamie Foxx, Taylor Swift, Taylor Lautner, Kathy Bates, Patrick Dempsey, Queen Latifah, Shirley MacLaine, Hector Elizondo, Topher Grace, Jennifer Garner, Jessica Biehl, and George Lopez.
So who does that leave out? Who is NOT in Valentine’s Day that you would have expected to see in a flash?
I can only think of one: Whatshername from Saturday Night Live, the one who does a lot of crazy characters and pops up in a lot of not-always-great movies.