If Tiger Woods was single, he’d be widely acclaimed as the most sizzling stud on the planet.
But because he’s married, he’s a loser and a sex addict.
And that’s why I’m single!
Anyway, his public apology today was a good career move–help clear the air by making contact with the masses, and then go back to your shtupping–I mean your stopping of the rampant sex drive and its pathological overuse.
But I did have some concerns with his performance:
*Tiger apologized for hurting everyone in the room. Huh? The press people? He gave them the best story of their lives and they feasted on it like vultures! I bet they’re pissed that he’s zipping up.
*He righteously declared, “Please leave my wife and kids alone.” Like he did when he plowed every living being that moved?
*Those hair plugs!
But the saddest thing of all was that a guy who likes to sleep around had to confess like a criminal and promise he’ll never get fucked again!
We live in a weird country–one where people strive for marriage, then openly desecrate it as everyone who secretly desecrates it gathers ’round to throw rocks.
This article from the Village Voice Archive was posted on February 19, 2010