American Idol Season 9: Semi-Final Results: John Park Returns to Purple Haze, Haeley Vaughn Succumbs to a Miley Cyrus Song


The night starts off with a weird fight intro that doesn’t even hold a candle to the weirdness of the group sing: Black Eyed Peas’s “I Gotta Feeling.” Ryan Seacrest introduces it as if Black Eyed Peas are going to be there, and for a minute I think that they are there, backstage ala Singin’ in the Rain–the part at the end when the audience realizes Lina Lamont’s mouth never totally did match up to the words coming out of it? Because that’s what’s happening here. Pay no attention to that pre-recorded track behind the curtain!

The back row of guys comes down to John Park and Todrick Hall. John is sent back to his a capella group Puprle Haze, granting Todrick Hall safety for another week.

In the front row of guys, the last two standing are Jermaine Sellers and Andrew Garcia. Jermaine and his crooked bowtie are going home, but not before another completely senseless tirade about being a man of God. Actually, he combined “In God there is no failure” and “Everyone need to go out and get a onesie.” I’m gonna miss that.

Speaking of men of God, Season 8’s Danny Gokey is here! Though his new single “My Best Days Are Ahead of Me” sounds only vaguely Christian. That’s probably disappointing someone somewhere. What’s disappointing me right here are the pitch problems and the way he bobs his shoulders uselessly. Afterward, in conversation with Ryan, Danny Gokey reveals two things: his wife died (oh wait, did they mention that last year???), and he found the sheet music to this single in a crumpled pile of trash and then recorded it without ANY IDEA who wrote it. Surprise! Months later, he finds out the guy’s name, and the fact that he lost his wife, too. Danny relays this story with the charisma of a 7-year-old with ADHD. Lots of back-slapping and hand-shaking and “Yeah!”s.

Back row of girls: Didi Benami vs. Michelle Delamor. (Katie Stevens is sticking around another dreadful week?!) Didi rolls her eyes hideously when she gets the news that Michelle was wrongfully ousted. Michelle seems genuinely in shock. I mean, she sang something that was blatantly Christian. Since when is that not enough?

Ford commercial sidenote: Has anyone else noticed that Kris Allen is a million times cuter now than he was on Idol last year?

Front row of girls: It’s either Haeley Vaughn or Lacey. Send them both home! What Lacey did to “Landslide” last week was unforgivable, and Haeley made me realize last night that Miley Cyrus is actually a talented vocalist. But if we had to choose (which I guess is sort of the point of this show), we’d choose Haeley. And so did you.

The line of the four cast-offs looks like a UN delegation: Meanwhile lily white Lilly Scott is doing Sam Cooke, Katie Stevens is still attributing “Feelin’ Good” to Michael Buble, and between last week’s results and tonight, the ethnic cleansing of American Idol Season 9 is in full force.

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