Tonight: The Oscars! LA’s yearly ripoff of the Tonys, with stars you recognize, awarding things you may have actually seen, is getting ready to go right now. And if you work for a media property with any kind of digital presence, you’re obligated by law (or something) to have your ceremonial Oscars liveblog, in which bloggers make that year’s “watercooler talking points” so you don’t have to, while you enjoy getting your party on. Or actually maybe enjoying the show. Servicey!
But: there’re plenty of Oscar liveblogs to read out there. Why read ours?
1. My Runnin’ Scared partner-in-crime Roy Edroso is gonna be blogging with me. Roy Edroso was quoted by Obama. Were you quoted by Obama? No? Exactly. Tomorrow, when the Obama of movies (Bryan Lourd? Carrie Fisher?) quotes Roy Edroso, we’re gonna be all like, told you bitches. Be in the know first.
2. We won’t just be liveblogging the Oscars, but liveblogging the liveblogs. We’ll take the best of everyone else’s stuff and quote them and link them, making the intake of the same inane, tired, homogeneous commentary you’re going to read everywhere the best trenchant, witty, creative observations people are going to make that much easier for you to digest! So you don’t have to tire your clicking finger! This is what they call added value.
3. Village Voice co-founder Norman Mailer once hit Rip Torn in the head with a hammer. Just thought it was worth mentioning.
Check back in around 8:15 PM! We’ll be here, helping you, our readers, navigate the dangerous world of Witty Shit To Say Tomorrow About The Oscars That Other Supposedly Witty People Already Said On The Internet. Kinda like this!