New York

Woman With Four Breasts Wins $3.5 Million

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I always thought three breasts were the absolute maximum any sensible person should walk around with, but Maria Alaimo of Staten Island found herself with what looked like four of the puppies after getting botched breast lifting and augmentation from Dr. Keith Berman in 2003.

This was a result of what’s called “double bubble deformities,” which sounds mildly Shakespearean but is actually quite horrible, and caused Alaimo to bury herself with self esteem issues that eventually drove her husband away.

If you HAD to have four breasts, $3.5 million would certainly help them rest easier, but I’d still rather be poor and just have the normal amount–three.