Even though we’ve been watching this show for three months, Idol apparently only began last night. The contestants got to sing on a bigger stage, and had to make something out of the Rolling Stones songbook instead of the total freedom to sing “Put Your Records On,” “Alone,” and “Hallelujah.” And what do we get for that? An entire hour of results-show blither before we get down to the elimination of one single person a week.
9:00pm. A heartwarming reflection upon the Top 12’s journey from selection at Hollywood through last night.
9:03pm. Ryan Seacrest references St. Patrick’s Day, and the auditorium turns green for a second. Foreshadowing a step-dance during the Stones group-sing? Let’s hope…
9:04pm. The judges’ save. They’re doing that again? Simon explains: up until the Top 5, if the judges decide unanimously, a loser can stay.
9:05pm. David Cook performing “Jumpin’ Jack Flash.” Seems to be losing his hair. Or has a mullet and a combover. Is that possible? See, this is why Lee Dewyze isn’t going to make it very far, because we already have one giant-headed unassuming growly rock boy, who does it just a little better.
9:14pm. Ford commercial involves paintball. “Tick Tick Boom.” But where was Casey? Out sick with the flu! Following the song commercial comes another commercial for the car company where the contestants draw on pictures of cars. It’s a contest, and someone can win one such designed car, be it swirls or sunflowers.
9:17pm. Paige Miles is the first called up, and she’s in the Bottom 3. Surprising a little, since she sang great last night, for her, and while having laryngitis.
9:18pm. Lee Dewyze safe. Siobhan Magnus–what is she wearing, pajamas? Despite those lime green pants, she’s safe. Aaron Kelly safe.
9:20pm. Andrew Garcia and Tim Urban asked to stand. Tim was yesterday’s “Vote for the Worst”…does that mean Andrew’s in trouble? No! Tim’s the second in the Bottom 3.
9:25pm. While we’re in commercial, let me take this opportunity to confess that I actually kind of loved Tim Urban last night, and I’m not being facetious. I don’t know what’s happened to me…
9:27pm. Orianthi singing “According to You.” I always thought this was a Taylor Swift song! Ryan Seacrest refers to her as a new rock and roll pioneer. After the song, he interviews her about playing with Carrie Underwood and Michael Jackson. She has a delightful accent.
9:35pm. Didi Benami does not have a delightful speaking voice, however. Someone get her a neti pot! But she’s safe. Crystal Bowersox safe. Ryan mentions Barry Manilow night?!? Don’t tease me like that! Katie Stevens–a drawn out discussion about her inconsistencies–is safe. Michael Lynche: “It’s singular..The people really inspire me to move.” Safe.
9:41pm. Casey James and Lacey Brown stand up. Casey sang “It’s All Over Now,” and that’s a bad song to have to reprise if you’re sent home. But it’s in fact Lacey who completes the Bottom 3.
9:42pm. All three bottoms should have gone home last week, so I’m feeling some justice. Simon says one of them is worth saving–but which? Then Tim is told he’s safe this week. Yay! I mean, uh, I didn’t say that.
9:47pm. Ke$ha doing another song without real words in the title. Then she comes out in a headdress. “Blah Blah Blah” is actually about the plight of Native Americans? Because they’re always talking about stuff, and we’re like “blah, blah, blah.”
9:55pm. Paige Miles or Lacey Brown–who will it be?
9:56pm. Lacey Brown is kicked off! But will the judges save her? We have to listen to her sing once more. She chooses “The Story” from last week (interesting twist). The judges all appear to confer, not paying any attention at all to Lacey’s performance. No American Idol tour for her…
9:59pm. Video about Lacey’s journey. One thing Lacey had over Siobhan Magnus is excellent teeth.
10:00pm.Oh Katie Stevens, put away those crocodile tears.