Tiger Woods’ Sexting Texts: Free Verse Poetry


Tiger Woods’ sexxxy text messages have made their way to the Internet this morning en masse, courtesy of Joslyn James, one of the various women the golfer’s had flings with over the last few years. Her website,, is currently overloaded with people who want to see what kind of sexxxy talk Tiger Woods had for the porn star (real name, unbelievably: Veronica Siwik-Daniels) over the course of their relationship.

Luckily, Business Insider grabbed a few, and made a list.

Which we’ve now turned into free verse poetry. Enjoy.

Beware The Grassy Green Beyond The 10%
by F. E. Kamer

What turns you on besides a dp?
Don’t just
get it
next time
more time.
My agent and these guys,
they: my whole life. Get it right.
Imaginable? Sorry, imaginable.
Imaginable trip.
Imaginable better.
Imaginable sorry.
Imaginable slap.
Imaginable will wear me out.
I love?
I love.
I’m sorry I fucked up last night, girl.
I want to be deep inside you, God.
I like when you do that to me, making noise.
I like my hair. I like your hair. I like it when my hair will wear me out.
You are my like.
Choke care, guys.
I love my agent and these guys.
I love God, girl.
God, girl, sorry I trip.
Sorry girl, I want you to take care of God.
God, I’m going to tell you to
take care of your whole life, and excite you.
I’m sorry I fucked up last night, God.
Fucking whore? Fucking love. I fucking love my agent and these guys.


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