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Step Off, Pregnant Biotches | Village Voice


Step Off, Pregnant Biotches


Yeah, yeah, maybe you’re 8.5 months preggers and about to pop, and evidently you really need those Uniqlo tank tops STAT to stretch over your cute belly and everything, but we ladies who have behaved responsibly and not brazenly added to society’s widespread overpopulation don’t look kindly on you cutting us in line. A Racked reader experienced this indignity — nay, this travesty of justice — nay, this affront to all of society — today in line at the Japanese purveyor’s Soho store (where this very blogger purchases her own jeans, not that any of the following is about me at all) and had to speak out. Because it’s just not fair.

I mean, honestly, you’ve already scored a husband and seem to be all set in the having-a-family department, a subject which our families are still nagging us about even though we’re 34 and our eggs are potentially already dead according to current science, but, you know, with our lifestyle and minuscule studio apartment it’s not like we’re ready for a baby anyway.

And we’re clutching our $40 jeans to our chest cause they’re pretty much all we can afford these days, and we need to get in that dressing room to try them on to make sure our butt looks good (okay, is primarily hidden from view) because it may be the very last chance we have to snag us a man.

And then you saunter in acting like your genes don’t stink like everybody else’s and want to cut us in line? I don’t think so, lady friend. Maybe your husband thinks you’re cute, and honestly, he pretty much has to even though from the look on his face he’s contemplating an escape before the thing comes out, but we are not to be trifled with.

Pregnancy hormones may be vicious, but PMS hormones could snap a man’s spine in half, just like that. Especially if he shops at Hermès.

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