News & Politics

Times Square Drives Away Everyone Except One Last Homeless Guy


All of you bitchers-and-moaners harping about how the bad old days of New York are the only days of New York (don’t get me wrong, I hate a Starbucks in the East Village as much as you do, but there’s something to be said for not getting mugged on the way to Key Food) — well, anyway, you can stop your bitching and moaning because it’s over. It’s done. There is now but one lonely homeless man living in Times Square. And he’s not that lonely, with all the people around all the time harassing him, and the irritating tourists who don’t know how to walk properly, and that naked cowboy being all up in his business.

Per the New York Times, the number of homeless people living in Times Square has been decreasing progressively over the years. In 2005, there were 55 people living on the streets. Last summer there were 7. Today, there’s just Heavy (not his real name), stationed at the corner of 48th Street and Seventh Avenue, “wearing a red knit cap, sipping coffee and smoking a cigarette, sitting on a makeshift chair near his black-and-red suitcase.”

And so marks the passage of time, in which Times Square no longer stands for perversion, drunken sailors throwing each other out of hotel windows, or even half-priced theater tickets. Times Square is officially so unappealing that virtually no one wants to be there except for the tourists. And there you have it, kids. The Disneyification of New York.

Now for a Starbucks run. Frappuccino, anyone?

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