Reality star and plastic surgery victim Heidi Montag tells People she’s “writing” what appears to be a sci-fi action-adventure movie about her magical 3-D breast implants saving a small beach community from shark attacks. It’s unclear just how Montag, who says she will play a lifeguard named Summer, and her breastesses will fight off the blood-thirsty sharks. But let’s just say, please, please let there be lasers.
“I am making the first 3-D beach comedy,” she says, identifying a genre we never realized the world needed — Jaws plus Space Balls, with a silicone bagful of Baywatch thrown in for good measure. The movie has not yet been greenlit, but the Hills villain says she is already thinking about casting. “I’ve even written a role for Dolly Parton to play the town mayor” [of Chesticleville], she said. Her recent cameo in the upcoming Adam Sandler rom-com Just Go with It may’ve inspired her foray into filmmaking — we’re for realz crossing our fingers it’s not a joke — but we’re happy to indulge her collagen-induced delusion. The kind that would make her say with a straight (new) face, “I’m now finally free to start my career and my new life as female mogul in Hollywood!”