Someone at PETA feels that making the cause sexy is the best way to promote the cause. And that person might not be wrong. A little sexy on our soy burger is always welcome. But their latest effort, a search for “The Sexiest Vegetarian Next Door,” (a less attractive subset of the exclusive-to-famous-people “Sexiest Vegetarian Alive” competition) seems a little … well, meatless.
Anyway, Foster and I seem to have rather divergent opinions as to how sexy your typical vegetarian is (this may, admittedly, be a boy-girl thing) but we do agree that of all the ‘tarians, the sexiest is actually not the vegetarian but the “condimentarian,” particularly the condimentarian who selects ketchup over mayo, dijon mustard over ketchup, and hot sauce above everything. Lovers of ranch dressing need not apply.
We also like humanitarians, exuse-itarians, futilitarians, Rotarians, and antidisestablishmentarians, whomever they may be, because we don’t judge.
Also, Bavarians, but that’s neither here nor there.