Spring Fashion: Nudity is the New Black


Fashionista alert! Nudity is so this season. Particularly the kind of nudity that doesn’t look so much like you’re trying to be nude, but more like you had a run-in with a weed wacker on the way to work, or maybe that you overslept, jumped out of bed, threw on your effortlessly cool “deconstructed-soldier” jacket and your peep-toe booties and headed out the door without even thinking about your pants until that 8 a.m. meeting where, boy, were those seats cold!

New York‘s latest issue features a bare-butted model under the headline “Military at Ease,” and I just have to say, I have never seen a soldier so relaxed. I also can’t help thinking about how dirty that floor might be that she’s sitting on, and how Rodin’s “The Thinker”-like her demeanor, almost like she herself is contemplating what germs might be crawling upon her nether regions. And, well, gosh, isn’t that just what fashion is for, to make us think?

Meanwhile, the Daily News asks a bevy of economy-conscious folks — who don’t know Balmain, don’t care, and would never in their lives spend more than an average of $9.50 on a tee, regardless of the recession — whether they’d buy a $1,625 shirt with holes cut out of it in a “stylishly disheveled” fashion. Among gasps and cries of “I prefer to pay my rent and buy food,” the truth comes out: That shirt is pretty damn ugly.

Now, we won’t go so far as to judge a T-shirt our friend’s 2-year-old could make art, but we would like to offer a few tips: If you’re sporting the nudity look on top, put some pants on the bottom. And for you fashion-forward types willing to go whole hog with the sans-culottes thing, please, bring a blanket to sit on and some hand sanitizer. Nobody wants what you have to share.

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