So, You Want to Be Reamed By Donald Trump?


According to NBC’s exuberant casting site, “Donald Trump wants to put America back to work!!!” (for real, three exclamation points), and as such, nationwide casting calls start tomorrow in New York City and Las Vegas. Which means, New Yorkers: Stay away from Trump Tower, unless of course you live there (we’re sorry), or want to embark upon an exciting new career as a bona fide Reality Television Personage (see Bethenny Frankel), or have some really awesome April Fool’s joke planned (a toupee comes to mind).

But if you are interested in said sort of career, no matter how soulless and cringe-inducing it may be (we won’t judge, we’re bloggers), we’d like to give you the full opportunity to realize your dreams. Like the PR flacks at NBC say, “Whether you are recently laid-off, long-term unemployed, a graduate with a daunting job search ahead of you, or simply someone who took a job that is just allowing you to survive this downturn, we encourage you to apply.”

That’s all well and good, but really, what do you need to make it? Fortunately, we caught up with one of the more infamous competitors on the show, Raj Bhakta (okay, so he only made it to the ninth episode of Season Two and he’s not Omarosa, but his bow ties were impeccable and Wikipedia dubs him an “American public figure”) to get some behind-the-scenes wisdom for all of you aspiring Apprentices out there.

Be prepared for a long wait: “I was in a very foul mood; I’d been waiting in line, which I though was beneath me, for 6 hours. I actually got there at 9 and there were 4,000 people ahead of me. I left the line but decided to come back after a friend convinced me it wasn’t a dishonor to stand in line so long.”

Embrace your inner asshole: “If someone says something stupid, mean, or otherwise in the interview, show your verbal combat skills. Take the opportunity if you want to be on the show. If something somebody says irks you, let them have it.”

Be a fighter, despite what you probably know in your heart: “If you fight like you’re already dead, you stand no shot. There’s no reason to have nerves, because you’re probably never gonna make it on anyway.”

Be yourself, fashion and otherwise: “Otherwise you start acting like a complete jerk. That bow tie was not feigned.”

After you get kicked off the show, go into the booze business: “I’m currently working on a whiskey distillery with the former master distiller of Maker’s Mark.”

Whatever gets us through the night, right?