Artisanal Food Brand, Children’s Clothing Store, or Sex Shop?


We like winsome foods painstakingly handcrafted in somebody’s fifth-story walk-up as much as the next person, but in scanning the list of vendors participating in the Greenpoint Food Market on April 10, one could reasonably assume that many of these businesses were selling children’s clothing. Or vibrators.

Much as with Cheese or Font? or Steakhouse or Gay Bar?, the architects of the artisanal industrial complex have blurred the lines between edible products and Things That Are Not Food. Undoubtedly, calling your business something like Whimsy & Spice has a nicer ring than, say, Cookies, Biscotti, & Stuff, but it’s arguably just as evocative of baby Uggs and tiny pinafores than anything that leaves crumbs (although, to be fair, children leave crumbs). Ditto WannaHaveCookie, Bacon Marmalade, Bean & Apple, Fanny & Jane, and Wee Bites, all the names of vendors at the Greenpoint Food Market.

At the other end of the spectrum, there’s Fine + Raw, Creme Fatale, Afternoon Delights, and Cut Brooklyn. None of these business sell dildos or KY — they make chocolate, cupcakes, catered food, and knives, respectively — but their names would make it easy for them to diversify if they were ever faced with the urge to do so. Come to think of it, perhaps the only thing conceivably lacking in the artisanal food scene is a business that mines all of this crossover potential to cater to both basic human appetites and their flesh and blood consequences. The day we hear about one opening, we’ll consider our lives complete.