Music

Presenting The Hilarious Music-Related April Fool’s Joke Probability Index

by

Tough day on the Internet: Everyone is both probably lying to you and totally hilarious. As we grapple with this whole Fucked Up getting sued thing, let us examine today’s other remarkable music-biz announcements and rate them on a) believability and b) amusement.

1. Duff McKagan joins Jane’s Addiction. He actually played a gig with them last night, but maybe this is just super-elaborate. Obviously we are super-protective of this dude, and thus deeply concerned. Put down the bass and back slowly away, Duff. BELIEVABILITY: 95 percent. AMUSEMENT: 5 percent.

2. Ted Nugent is running for President. On a hybrid True Republican/Tea Party/Michigan Militia ticket. So says Chuck Eddy. “While speculation abounds as to who might be Nugent’s running mate, names recurring in discussions with those in the party’s inner circle include Glenn Beck, Sarah Palin, David Duke, Toby Keith and sundry former members of the Damn Yankees.” Busy day on Rhapsody; they’ve also broken the news that the Smiths reunited and Taylor Swift is collaborating with Kanye West. BELIEVABILITY: 10 percent. AMUSEMENT: 90 percent.

3. Pitchfork gives MGMT’s Congratulations a 10.0. They sleep, Hipster Runoff grinds. BELIEVABILITY: 2 percent. AMUSEMENT: 60 percent.

4. Todd P hired by Foxwood Casinos. Local boy makes good. All public transportation to and around Connecticut breaks down immediately. BELIEVABILITY: 2 percent. AMUSEMENT: 30 percent.

5. Neil Diamond nominated for Rock Hall. More a joke than a prank, but still. One day, Neil, the deck will finally be stacked in your favor. BELIEVABILITY: 0 percent. AMUSEMENT: 75 percent.