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What Would You Do for Five Bucks? Apparently, a Lot: The Top 10 Goods and Gigs Available for $5 at E-commerce Site Fiverr.com

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What would you do for five bucks? More importantly, what would you pay someone else to do for five bucks? The e-commerce site Fiverr.com allows registered users to buy and sell services, or “gigs,” that range from useful (graphic design, programming help, English grammar lessons) to err, less than useful (7 hours of vacuum cleaner sound effects, a homemade voodoo doll, “my eternal soul”). The one constant: they all cost five dollars.

Fiverr employs the most basic outsourcing business model, charging buyers a flat five-dollars rate and paying out four to sellers via PayPal, thus earning itself a buck for every sale. Setting such a low price also minimizes the backlash of unsatisfied customers who are nudged toward the Terms of Use’s online conflict resolution guide rather than a customer service e-mail address. So, should you be in the market for a love poem of completely unguaranteed quality, an analysis of your fantasy baseball team, or someone willing to burn a small paper effigy of an enemy for just five bucks, you’ve found your new homepage. Here are our top 10 highly covetable services — and the sellers’ hand-picked photos — currently available for a fiver.

1. I will pretend to be anyone you want me to be on the phone or via text for $5
Posted by Kassius509

Perhaps one of the most useful services offered on the site, the prerequisite for this service is a lack of anything resembling a conscience. The seller specializes in imitating cousins, butlers, slaves, and religious leaders, but… “within reason!”

2. I will burn a small paper effigy of your enemy for $5
Posted by SteveRestless

“Images or a short video of the burning will be provided.”

3. I will spam my friends on Facebook with your company’s website for $5
Posted by msQT

In the spirit of self-sacrifice and selling out, msQT makes a popular offer: to spam the shit out of Facebook friends and Twitter followers on your behalf. For a similarly promising gig. try, “I will jog around the city with your logo stuck to my but” (her spelling).

4. I will teach the difference between Their, They’re and There for $5
Posted by Meowrena

A completely worthwhile service for the children of spellcheck, seller Meowrena also offers insight on “Your” and “You’re” usage. Perhaps she could assist the previous seller with “but” and “butt.”

5. I will give out a positive review for your product for $5
Posted by msQT

Considering this offer exists on a site that employs user reviews, the integrity of Fiverr’s customer feedback is questionable at best. Especially when it include things like, “A++++++++++” and “He made what I thought was impossible happen!” Meta.

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6. I will give you ideas, what gigs to post here for $5
Posted by success_secrets

Learn how to successfully sell things on this website, on this website. So meta.

7. I will light a Furby on fire and send you the video for $5
Posted by kraamerXmich

This gig, while original, faces a fatal flaw in that Mr. Kraamer Xmich could in theory just burn one Furby and send the same video to all his customers. It’s not only likely, but smart — purchasing a Furby for each sacrifice wouldn’t be cost-effective. Still, could be totally worth it.

8. I will send you a beer can from my town for $5.
Posted by rawr136

This chick will send you a very cute, smashed, dirty, and worst of all, empty, beer can from her undisclosed town.

9. I will do anything you want over the internet for $5
Posted by Payka

This is where things begin to go south. This seller doesn’t have any user reviews to attest to just what he will do over the Internet, but if you clicked on this service, it’s probably best not to tell anyone.

10. I will professionally auto tune any vocals or song you send me for $5
Posted by seanhelmes

You too can sing “I’m on a boat muthafucka” like a suave robot. This appears to be a viable skill, which begs a question that doesn’t seem to be asked enough on Fiverr: Why the hell are you doing this for five dollars?

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