What would you do for five bucks? More importantly, what would you pay someone else to do for five bucks? The e-commerce site Fiverr.com allows registered users to buy and sell services, or “gigs,” that range from useful (graphic design, programming help, English grammar lessons) to err, less than useful (7 hours of vacuum cleaner sound effects, a homemade voodoo doll, “my eternal soul”). The one constant: they all cost five dollars.
Perhaps one of the most useful services offered on the site, the prerequisite for this service is a lack of anything resembling a conscience. The seller specializes in imitating cousins, butlers, slaves, and religious leaders, but… “within reason!”
“Images or a short video of the burning will be provided.”
In the spirit of self-sacrifice and selling out, msQT makes a popular offer: to spam the shit out of Facebook friends and Twitter followers on your behalf. For a similarly promising gig. try, “I will jog around the city with your logo stuck to my but” (her spelling).
A completely worthwhile service for the children of spellcheck, seller Meowrena also offers insight on “Your” and “You’re” usage. Perhaps she could assist the previous seller with “but” and “butt.”
Considering this offer exists on a site that employs user reviews, the integrity of Fiverr’s customer feedback is questionable at best. Especially when it include things like, “A++++++++++” and “He made what I thought was impossible happen!” Meta.
Learn how to successfully sell things on this website, on this website. So meta.
This gig, while original, faces a fatal flaw in that Mr. Kraamer Xmich could in theory just burn one Furby and send the same video to all his customers. It’s not only likely, but smart — purchasing a Furby for each sacrifice wouldn’t be cost-effective. Still, could be totally worth it.
This chick will send you a very cute, smashed, dirty, and worst of all, empty, beer can from her undisclosed town.
This is where things begin to go south. This seller doesn’t have any user reviews to attest to just what he will do over the Internet, but if you clicked on this service, it’s probably best not to tell anyone.
You too can sing “I’m on a boat muthafucka” like a suave robot. This appears to be a viable skill, which begs a question that doesn’t seem to be asked enough on Fiverr: Why the hell are you doing this for five dollars?