What’s The Best Way To Kill Yourself?


A couple of horrifying suicides have made headlines lately–the Yale student who leapt to his death from atop the Empire State building and the gay wrestler who downed a batch of pills to permanently relieve his pain.

It’s a tragedy that anyone ends up feeling that self extinction is the only way to go.

But if you somehow felt you HAD to end your life, wouldn’t jumping jeopardize other people’s lives too?

Might you not squash grownups, babies, and innocent rodents in the process?

At least that kind of a plummet is a surefire way to end your own life, if that’s what you’ve determined to do.

The worst thing ever would be to pop some pills in a suicide attempt and fail at it! You’d wake up incredibly depressed like before but with the added onus of being a semi vegetable!

So what’s the best way to do it, where you’re guaranteed to terminate your life and no one else’s?

Hanging in drag? Slicing your ankles? Unrefrigerated mayonnaise?