The beautiful thing about New York is that you never have to go too far to find a corner deli or bodega with whatever you need in it: ice cream, laundry detergent, smokes, small-batch beer, sandwiches, cooking supplies, feral cats waiting to be adopted, etc. Which is why today we mourn the six Brooklyn businesses NYPD blues busted up in Crown Heights today, the varying merchants of which sold jerk chicken, CDs, and T-shirts. To supplement the weed and blow, of course.
Per NBC Local, the businesses — which ran on Nostrand Avenue between Atlantic Avenue and Eastern Parkway — were ratted on by neighbors, and apparently serviced about 400 illicit customers a week. This also, incidentally, accurately reflects the respective businesses’ weekly Ding Dong sales figures. Probably. Cops rounded up eight people, two pounds of chronic — or I mean, you know, you hope it’s chronic, because if they were selling schwag near a Jerk Chicken joint, they should’ve been arrested sooner, because that’s just mean — and an unspecified gun, though it probably wasn’t one of those T-shirt cannons or a brulee torch. Though if it was, that’d be hysterical. Right? Right.
That said, there’s one piece of this story that doesn’t quite add up. Specifically, this:
The raids come after a two month investigation during which undercover officers reportedly made more than 50 buys.
Hold up. It takes cops two months and 50 buys to ensure that you’ve got your ducks lined up in a row? What, like they didn’t realize they were being sold weed illegally the third time? Not likely. Chances are, they told themselves they had their ducks in a row, and then laughed, because the word “ducks” is funny, and damn son, we should get some Chinese food, nahmean? That shit is silly.