New Ad Calls for Pinky-Ringed Wall Streeters to Do the Right Thing


For the two or three of you out there who still watch commercials, you’re about to start seeing a rather amateurish statewide ad that asks — nay, demands! — Wall Street and big businesses (who all smoke cigars, wear multiple gold rings, and take their Pellegrino with lemon, thank you very much) to pitch in and do their part to help solve the state’s budget crisis.

The ad is from a group calling themselves the Better Choice Budget Campaign and, gosh, we like better choices and balanced budgets, and we’ve never really cottoned to Wall Street for reasons we won’t go into here (that means you, A.C., you vain shell of a man), but we wish these New Yorkers for Fiscal Fairness would pony up for a decent director.

‘Cause, really, it’s easier to make better choices when one is not faced with rejects from The Journey of Natty Gann pretending to be homeless New Yorkers, or that lady with the sad, sad face that’s just crying out for an eensy dash of Botox, but, you know, she can’t afford it (thanks a lot, Wall Street). That just depresses us, and makes us unable to choose iced vs. regular coffee. Iced? It is hot out today.

Lawmakers have returned to the capitol — a mere seven days into the fiscal year with no budget — to ostensibly kick ass and take names (or kick names and take ass). And maybe they’ll watch the ad and be inspired, but we doubt it, because if they’re watching TV at all, they’re watching Gossip Girl, and they’re fast-forwarding through the commercials. And if they’re not, why in God’s name did we elect them?

Meanwhile, since Wall Street and big business have never, ever, felt sorry for the little guy (much less the stock-arted Great Depression little guy), there’s no reason to think they’re about to be spurred to action, or goodness, by a poorly produced commercial. We also have a hunch they’re not really going to like closing corporate tax loopholes or adding another high-income tax bracket on the state income tax. That could cut into their pinky ring money, after all.

As for the soda tax, we’re not so sure. Don’t those finance people do coke, not drink it? We know, we really need to stop believing everything Bret Easton Ellis tells us.

Anyway, enjoy your preferred stimulant on this hot day with your ad. We’re gonna go with iced coffee. Unless, of course, we don’t. See, making better choices is hard!