Fairly disturbing piece in the Guardian by everyone’s favorite party philosopher about a thoroughly disquieting episode from his teenage years: He fell in love (“She had a baby face, a 14-tooth smile, large eyes, a crowned forehead, an oversized brow, and a tender style”) and wrote her a terrible, terrifying love song called “My Destiny.” Quote:
Drove Past Your Doorway Fifteen Times
I Don’t Want To Cause You Harm
Harm – That’s What You’re In For
If You Don’t Open Your Door
So I’ll Keep Knocking A Million Times
I Will Knock Until My Knuckles Bleed
Bleed – That Blood Will Leave A Stain
On You Forever
Yikes. The Guardian helpfully transcribes all the lyrics, offers the MP3 (not really recommended), and some trenchant analysis and recollection from Andrew himself:
It turned out that the assistant to the head of school got a copy of my song on cassette and gave it to the girl I had a crush on. This was probably the worst thing that had ever happened in my life. She heard the song and was completely freaked out. Within three days, every kid in school had a copy. She told her friends, teachers and parents: “This guy at school is stalking me and threatening my life.” She played them the song and they called the police.
In the end, I had a juvenile restraining order put on me, which lasted until I was 21. I’ve never told anyone about it since, except my closest friends and family.
And shortly thereafter: “Party Hard.” It’s all worth reading, particularly for this aside: “The head of the school recommended that I go into counselling or see the school psychiatrist (my parents did send me to a child psychologist following later exploits in arson, baseball card forgery and mail fraud: his final diagnosis? ‘You have a devilish side’).” Baseball card forgery!