Elderly Quaalude Pushers Nabbed by the Fuzz. You Dig?


There’s nothing like a good quaalude ring bust-up to put you in a jolly mood. I mean, the spelling of quaalude itself is hilarity on a doughnut, and then you start thinking of what it might be like to sit at the helm of command over such a ring — “a 65-year-old chemist with an army of baby boomers” operating out of your “posh” Fifth Avenue pad/drug den, driving around town in your Mercedes Benz — and how tired you must be all the time, and probably happy that it’s finally over and you can get some much-needed rest and eat a sandwich and eventually move on to better things that aren’t spelled all craazy.

The dime dropped on Dennis Patrick Fairley, 65, quaalude-master, yesterday. He and 21 others (only one of whom, his 37-year-old wife, is under 50) were charged with manufacturing and distributing more than 100,000 Quaalude pills — with an alleged worth over $3.5 million — in an elaborate bicoastal ring that stretched from Long Island to California.

In case you were born post-1980s, my young friends, a “quaalude,” or a ” ‘lude” to those on the scene, is “a tablet or capsule of methaqualone,” according to Webster’s, where the word has had a home since 1966. And “methaqaulone,” is, simply, a sedative (and hypnotic) — whooo!

Quaaludes were popular in the ’60s and ’70s, and, apparently, have had a bit of an underground comeback. And even though drugs are obviously bad-bad-bad and should never be sold, illicitly or otherwise, we have to give Fairley some props for thinking outside the bottle in drug choice. I mean, who woulda thought? Quaaludes!

Drug Enforcement Administration spokesman Donald Caetano woulda. He said the discovery of the ring does not necessarily mean the drug is back, per se. But all the same, “Just because you don’t hear about doesn’t mean it’s not still out there.”

Much like the second “a” in quaalude, no?