The iPhone 4.0 Presentation: A Photo Essay, With Perspective


Okay, honestly, owning an iPhone, working as a blogger, and being a human being and everything, I know I’m supposed to really, really care about whatever Steve Jobs is talking about right now. So I do! Here are pictures of Steve Jobs saying things. And! We! Are! Doing! It! Live! So! Keep! Refreshing! This! Page!

Black kids! Hugging iPads! And then Earl Woods comes out and is like, FEAR LEADS TO ANGER, ANGER LEADS TO HATE, HATE LEADS TO THE DARK SIDE. Remember when this used to be a puppy? Yes, well, puppies can’t help you buy Oxycontin from Tijuana’s most reputed pharmecuticas by the “grip” as you sit in the comfort of your local acid-jazz soundtracked coffee shop, can they? [Answer: No. They can not.]

Later, he added, now roll down the windows and let the wind blow back your hair, this night’s busting open THESE TWO LANES WILL TAKE US ANYWHERE!

Okay, so no, this doesn’t have anything to do with the iPhone but I found it while making my dumb Bruce Springsteen “quip.” On one hand, yes, it’s hysterical. On the other, yes: truth.

I don’t know why I felt compelled to get this screengrab. Maybe it’s the asterisks around everything that give me the impression that Mahalo CEO Jason Calicanis is desperate to make these characters sparkle. Like they’re little stars. Or maybe because this is the same syntax technique employed by most of the emails I receive informing me of the nine million dollars the Duke of Nigeria has left in my name. Which reminds me, I still have to get back to them with my SSN.

And yes, you should trust somebody who uses the word “emotion” in regards to anything, and looks like this. Related: : /

Asteroids or hemorrhoids, or if not, you know it’s always gonna be something. Alternatively: “These girls, they pay Daddy. You know how to pay daddy? You’re gonna learn.” Get it? He’s a pimp, and these iPhone apps are his “hoes.” It’s funny because they’re his “hoes.”

Using two iPhones in a presentation slide just screams “Bad Idea Jeans.” As if people need a reminder that the thing they’re buying now they will have to buy again because the one in front of it is better than the one behind it even if they were told that the one behind it was the best one ever when it came out. This could actually be a PSA, right here.