The Cathedral of St. John the Divine is hosting the 12th annual blessing of the bikes this Saturday at 9:30 a.m., we have learned from West Side Independent. The Reverend Canon Thomas Miller will sprinkle holy water upon the bikes in attendance, and cyclists who gone up to the big bike path in the sky will be remembered in a moment of silence-except-for-bag-pipes. Then everyone shall ring their bike bells simultaneously, simulating the chorusing voices of angels, or something.
All religious beliefs (or lack thereof) and cycling abilities are welcome.
All this got us to wondering. Say we wanted to bless our own bike, or maybe our in-line skates and that old crop top, without schlepping all the way up to the Upper West Side early on a Saturday and having to face people in bike shorts and a roving bagpiper. Is it doable? Is it… legal? Like, we won’t go to hell, right? We hear people wear shorts in hell, and shorts have never been a good look for us.
We called up St. John’s to ask. Alas, they only work 9 to 5. We try, we really do!
So then we Googled “blessing a bike,” and got about a million links. Apparently people bless their bikes all over the place! Color us informed.
Here’s your DIY blessing of a Wagon or other Vehicle (we think that includes bikes, airplanes, motorized bar stools, Volkswagens, Segways, and anything run by the MTA):
Be gracious, O Lord God, to our prayers and bless this vehicle with Thy right hand. Send Thy holy angels to accompany it that they may keep from all evils those who ride in it; and as once Thou didst grant faith and grace through Thy deacon Philip to the Ethiopian riding in his chariot and reading the word of God, so now show the way of salvation to Thy servants that, always given to good works, they attain to everlasting joys after the vicissitudes of the journey and of this life. Through Christ our Lord. Amen.
Say it, then give your vehicle a spritzing of holy water (instructions on blessing your Brita here), and, it seems, you are good to ride.
People trying this at home, remember: Always wear a helmet. Vampires hate holy water. And ladies, nobody marries the town bike.
P.S.: Please God, don’t let me go to hell for this post.