Breaking: Ladies Enjoy Shopping, Cosmo-tinis, Gossip


In today’s headlines of obviousness, the Daily News learns that women enjoy shopping. I mean, not all women, but most women, and those women who don’t enjoy shopping, well, there’s obviously something wrong with them, right? Because walking around stores and touching fabric and sometimes putting it on your body and then paying money for it if it doesn’t make you squish outward in awkward places or feel dizzy or break out in hives (unless you want it to) — there’s nothing not enjoyable about that, is there?

Global online market researcher surveyed 2,000 women about their shopping habits and discovered — wait for it —

Women spend an average of three years of their lives shopping. That’s 25,184 hours and 53 minutes for someone who lives to be 63.

Women reacted to this news as you’d expect, with gender-appropriate giggles and “Oh no you di-n’ts!” while their menfolk held their purses and rolled their eyes patronizingly just like on TV.

Witness the adorable interchange of cutie couple Sandy and Nick:

“I think it would be more than three years,” laughed Sandy Mahadeo, 20, a sales clerk from Richmond Hills, lugging a huge bag from Macy’s. “I love everything about shopping.”

“She goes every day!” interrupted her fiancé, Nicholas Ragbir, 20, echoing the belief of many men who feel women spend way more time than that shopping.

Meanwhile, Brooklyn potter Marci Bykat, 31, expressed her inner turmoil over the survey while digging through the Macy’s bag sale, ostensibly alone.

“I think that’s really unfortunate,” she said. “But it’s true.”

You heard it here, gals: You love to shop. Love it.

In other news, women spend about 22 years of their lives sleeping, 9 years of their lives watching TV, and 5 years of their lives ball-busting. A mere 7 minutes of their lives is spent reading articles about how much they adore shopping — presuming they’re slow readers.