“Carmina Burana” is supposed to signal just how intense they wish the show would be tonight. Yes, there are two people getting kicked off, but otherwise there’s a performance from Season 7’s serial false-starting nanny Brooke White, and Adam Lambert–who was never very good at keeping an air of mystery about him.
The Top 9-redux lipsynchs an Elvis medley. How come in these medleys Crystal always sounds meek and girlish? Siobhan Magnus looks exactly like Sandra Bernhard. And I guess since she kind of sings like her (not right now, but in general), so that’s awesome. The songs include Elvis’s most boring: “Hunka Hunka Burnin’ Love,” “Teddy Bear,” etc. The Idol’ actually start to fall asleep during “Return to Sender.” Things (barely) pick up for “Viva Las Vegas”: Michael Lynche dry humps Crystal, and Lee looks like he’s holding Andrew Garcia’s butt for their duet.
The Ford music video covers the Polyphonic Spree’s “Reach for the Sun,” while the Idols plant trees on asphalt. That’s them “going green,” according to Ryan.
Results: Casey, Andrew, and Aaron are brought to the center of the stage. Recap, recap, recap. And bam, Andrew was sent home just like that, only 14 minutes in.
Idol Gives Back mini-documentaries make me cry a little. Elliott Yamin and Kara DioGuardi are passing out malaria bed-nets and hugging lots of African children. Next week on the show: Black Eyed Peas, Annie Lennox, Carrie Underwood, Sir Elton John, etc. Also, Alicia Keys mentors next week for Inspirational Songs.
Brooke White duets with some web-series star, Justin Gaston. Mmm, I just googled him and look what I found. That, however, is not what he looks like tonight. In fact, he’s a lot more Twilight than Queer as Folk. Brooke is just as awkward as ever, though she dresses better than in her hippie-nanny days. The song, “Deep in My Heart” or “While I Can Dream” or something along those lines is a miserably cheesy ballad. I actually have to mute this.
More results: Crystal feigns surprise when she’s told first that she’s safe (then blows into a mini harmonica). Sibohan’s surprise, however, is real when she’s told she’s safe. Lee DeWyze rambles on about how he’s pretty sure he has confidence now, and people believe him because he’s safe.
Adam Lambert finally gives Ryan his wish and sings “What Do You Want From Me.” He’s in silhouette for the first minute of a Gaga-esque soul breakdown. Then green lasers come up, but Adam, with a repeat Elvis pompadour and silvery suit, is shrouded in so much smoke, I don’t know how anyone in that audience can see him at all. No matter, he ends it all with a Siobhan-like scream that seems to satisfy all the ladies.
Katie Stevens looks like she’s aged a bunch and/or forgot makeup.
Final results: Tim, Michael, and Katie. Katie’s going home! And apparently Michael wasn’t even in the Bottom 3 (way to screw with our heads, Ryan). The results once again proving Simon’s voice is still the only one that matters.