New York Rats Have Gotten Monstrous!


I don’t see as many rats scurrying around New York as before–except in front of Boots and Saddle bar, for some reason–but when I do see them, they’re bigger than Donald Trump!

And they’re hairy motherfuckers! It’s like they’ve mutated in some way that’s caused them to develop extra hide, with tons of fur that makes them look like they’ve cross-pollinated with bears (and not just the gay kind).

The rats that have survived look immune to any kind of attack, having physically morphed in a way that makes them above labeling or reproach.

They’re as big as cats and 100 times as indomitable!

Worst of all, they don’t look the least bit afraid of the human form.

You can stare them down all you want, but they’ll just stare right back with a “what-the-fuck” nonchalance that is downright chilling.

I’m getting nostalgic for the old-school rats. There were millions more of them, but on a case-by-case basis, they were way nicer.