RoundUp: Crime Doesn’t Pay, Unless You’re Just Reading About It


Here’s our Tuesday night crime roundup (complete with celebs, pimps, and Gambinos, for all of you who can’t wait for your Us Weekly):

Michael Douglas’ son Cameron was
sentenced to five years in prison for dealing meth and coke. Prior to the sentencing, Douglas composed a handwritten letter citing Cameron’s childhood in a “bad marriage” and “the pressure of finding your own identity with a famous father.”

Gawker media owner Nick Denton didn’t technically steal an iPhone, but some people think he might end up in a legal jam anyway. Like that time you were just holding that pot. For a friend.

Kal Penn (or “Kumar” to you 4/20 celebrants) was robbed at gunpoint at 1 a.m. today in Washington, D.C. And the only thing worse than getting robbed at gunpoint at 1 in the morning is having to hear a bunch of bad White Castle jokes about it the day after. Poor Kal. We’re here for you.

The victim of a daring daytime iPad heist (at a mall!) has lost a pinky finger as well as his iPad, which is pretty much the definition of insult plus injury.

13 Gambinos were busted on charges including sex trafficking, murder and racketeering. “The mafia as I’ve said is not dead. It is alive and kicking,” said U.S Attorney Preet Bharara, finally shedding some light on that Sopranos finale.

73-year-old Tecora Brown admitted to bein’ a Jersey pimp today after her son, “Prince,” ratted her out. But she was a really good mom.