For the Love of God, Just Take a Freaking Sick Day


Americans are so hard. Like, we come down with swine flu and Ebola and restless leg syndrome and catch a nasty case of pinkeye on top of all that and we still go to work. Because we’re Americans!

According to a recent Thomson Reuters survey,

Nearly three-quarters of Americans said they went to work sick in the last year.


This is partly ’cause we want to get paid (justifiable) and partly ’cause we are nation of workaholics (less so). The workaholics, who numbered 1 in 5 and were also the people with the largest salaries, said they “weren’t sick enough to warrant staying home” — they were just sick enough to give their coworkers their germs… free of charge, of course. Thanks for that.

We say, if you have a fever; if you’re sneezing, coughing, vomiting, or otherwise expelling bodily fluids; if you smell; and/or if you have the initials “F.K.” — you can just stay home until that nasty case of you-know-what clears up. Also, we bought you that Purell to use on your hands.