Publicists Eat Caca


Recently, a publicist asked me if I wanted to interview mop-topped actor Jesse Eisenberg about some short he’s in. I’ve met Jesse and liked him, so I said “Sure.” She was thrilled. She then wrote back that he’s not available!

I was also pitched Alexander Skarsgard, who had done a voiceover for a creepy animated film, and I said “OK.” But later I was told “Sorry, you can only go to the press conference. No one-on-one has been approved with you.”


Next up, I got a pitch for The City of Your Final Destination saying “interviews available with talent”. But not that available.

I wrote back, “OK, I’d like to interview Charlotte Gainsbourg.”

After a few days, they responded, “She’s not available. How about Anthony Hopkins, Laura Linney, or James Ivory?”

“Yeah, Hopkins is great,” I countered. Two hours later, they wrote back, “He’s not available either. Want to request Laura or James?”

Still think my life is glamorous?