Two of our nation’s prized women — professional celebrity Kim Kardashian and professional sex partner-cum-professional celebrity Ashley Dupre — occupy a very similar position in our collective psyche. Not that they’re merely sex objects, but they are mostly sex objects. So when a Playboy photographer pits the two of them against one another, it is only proper for a (mostly) impartial arbiter to bring down the final verdict. Who is easier? Find out inside.
Plus: Heidi Montag’s burger problem, Charlie Sheen’s hooker hang-outs, Lindsay Lohan gets dumped and we try together to remember Melissa Etheridge. You know, Melissa Etheridge.
Newspapers are known for skewing toward experts, but “master nude portraitist” might be the most flattering title of all. That’s Steve Wayda, Playboy photographer and apparent Kim Kardashian fan, who’s running his mouth about his easiest naked lady shoots. Pitting Kardashian against governor-doming centerfold Ashley “Most Dangerous Rack” Dupre, his expert opinion is that Kardashian is the easiest. “Kim was much more relaxed right off the bat,” Wayda said. “Maybe that was because of her sex tape.” Dupre was worried about her “thick” legs and had reservations about donning dominatrix gear. And we all know who’s more expensive. So although Ashley is our girl, she does indeed seem a tougher nut to crack. Sometimes the best ones take work. [NYDN]
An actress is alleging that Steven Seagal made inappropriate passes at young actresses on the set of his 1991 film Out for Justice. Lucky for him, no one remembers any of this ever happened, the movie included. [Page Six]
While Melissa Etheridge got to go on Oprah’s show to carry on about her breakup, years after her last glimmer of relevance, her ex was relegated to a blog located at http:///hollywoodfarmgirl.blogspot.com. Definitely bookmark that shit though. [NYDN]
Charlie Sheen’s “paid escort friend” just went ahead and moved in, because gas isn’t cheap and we’re all trying to save a few dollars here and there. Charlie Sheen: the coupon clipper of johns. [Radar]
Rocker and reality star Bret Michaels has been stabilized after suffering a brain hemorrhage, meaning it’s not quite time to defend the music of Poison. [TMZ]
In a teaser for the new season of The Hills, newly plastic star Heidi Montag has trouble chewing a hamburger. This, ladies and gentlemen, is the television we deserve. Looking forward to that plot development… [NYDN]
Lindsay Lohan was dropped from a movie about a grad student working on a deserted island. She’s no longer “bankable,” they say, and after all, who could believe Lindsay as a grad student? A wise move all around. [TMZ]
Don’t you feel better about your life now? What about now: