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In a pairing for the ages, meet the Sumo wrestler and the baby. They look alike, they wear the same kind of clothes, they are both adorably chubby and bare-butted … They go together like peas and carrots, or Splenda and that third cup of coffee.
Americans have been slow to celebrate the Sumo/baby pairing for a variety of reasons, but we at Runnin’ Scared would like to go on the record saying that in the not-to-far-off future, once we have really opened our minds and hearts, Sumo/baby pairings will be like wine pairings or at the very least a highly successful Internet meme. Just think of all the fun things they could do together!
Japan, however, is usually ahead in this sort of thing. So it makes sense that there would be already be a contest in Japan in which Sumo wrestlers are paired with babies. And the object of the contest is truly delicious, much like a hot-dog-eating competition: Trying to make babies cry!
At the annual 400-year-old Naki Sumo (crying baby contest), which took place this weekend, moms hand their babies on over to Sumo wrestlers and high priests, who coax them into “a maddened state of wailing.” The baby to cry loudest and longest wins the contest. As it should.
Meanwhile, in America, we hide our babies in large gourds and make them wear pumpkin-top hats, and sometimes put plastic nipples in their faces to keep them from uttering loud noises. And if a man in a diaper asks to hold them or tries to make them cry, he is promptly arrested. Sigh.