“Picture this:” says Ryan Seacrest. “Rascal Flatts and Shakira.” I’m picturing it, I’m getting up, I’m turning off my TV.
Sigh. If only that were an option. Instead, I can’t actually look away from the trainwreck that is another results show. Especially when Ryan follows that up with, “My hips will lie.” Awesome.
The first video montage is a behind-the-scenes look at the Ford music video. Siobhan glares into the camera and bares her natural fangs, saying, “Today we become vampires.” Is this some sort of Siobhan Magnus role-play what-I-do-for-fun kind of thing? After the Ford people do their vampire makeup, Siobhan looks exactly the same. Crystal’s pretty convincing, too. Trying to take a nap, she says, “If you don’t get that camera out of my face, I’m gonna bite you. Seriously.” The mini-doc is at least twice as long and a million times more interesting than the resulting music video.
The next thing to promote on tonight’s results show is Shrek: Ever After, which the Idol’s attempt to voice-over. Of course Big Mike does Shrek. I mean, duh. Back in real-time, Cameron Diaz and Antonio Banderas in the house.
Results. Ryan forms three groups of two. 1: Aaron Kelly, Lee DeWyze, Crystal Bowersox. 2: Michael Lynche, Casey James, Siobhan Magnus (Bottom 3).
Carrie Underwood introduces Sons of Sylvia. I feel so much farther away from this episode than usual. Who? Apparently, gel-spiked country-tinged-pop with a violin. Then, Lady Antebellum. At least I’ve heard of this band, but that doesn’t make the lead gal’s fake-tan raccoon eyes any more interesting.
The aforementioned Shakira + Rascal Flatts. Pulling a Crystal Bowersox, she opens on harmonica. Spanish-inflected country music with a Middle Eastern guitar-and-drum thing, and harem dancers? Oh right, this song is called “Gypsy.” Still don’t get how this is country music, but ok.
Results (continued). Mike, safe. Casey vs. Siobhan. Siobhan goes home. Casey’s mom totally shrugs at the camera, like, “You sure, America?” Siobhan closes with a dreadful rendition of “Think” but let’s cut her some slack, she looks like she did not see this coming. And at least she does her crazy note, which is all she was ever good for anyway.
Next week: Sinatra, with mentor Harry Connick, Jr. Which means we might be losing the last girl left standing.