Welcome to this week’s edition of Ask the Critics. Last week we tackled whether or not Hawaiians like Hawaiian pizza. (Have a question? Ask us anything at firstname.lastname@example.org)
This week, reader Tim writes in with something more personal:
Dear Fork in the Road,
…How about a rundown of the most trashy things that Fork in the Road staff regularly sneak past their pieholes?
You first, Tim!
We circulated the question and everyone had something, well, kind of gross to share.
Brian Parks, our fearless editor:
I quite like the dinners served on airplanes. I realize it’s not actually good food, but I still find there to be something strangely exciting about it. Plus it’s sensory stimulation in such a neutral environment.
Hot dogs at papaya king with canned bean chile on top. It’s a refutation of everything i believe in.
Rebecca Marx had a lot to get off her chest:
Cadbury Eggs–because honestly, I love biting through that low-quality milk chocolate shell and slurping out the glucose shot inside. Makes my teeth hurt so good!
Hellman’s mayo out of the jar — whenever I use it to make deviled eggs, I can’t resist at least a spoonful.
Sugar Sweet Sunshine’s banana pudding — because sometimes you just need something that’s fattening, sickeningly sweet, and stuffed with Nilla Wafers. And unburdened by any nutritional value whatsoever.
Uncooked Tofurky Kielbasa veggie wieners. Yes, it’s disgusting. But they’re so salty and smoky and delicious.
Apple Jacks. Mainly because of the color it turns the milk, but also because it tastes like everything my parents didn’t allow me to eat when I was growing up.
At the airport, I’ll let myself eat anything. Especially for early flights, Egg McMuffins call to me. Other than that, I’m pretty boring–all the junk food I crave is now trendy.
Weirdly, even though I don’t usually crave sweets, I have a thing for bad cake. Not poorly made cake, but terrible supermarket cake that stays moist for days and days because it’s shot up with so much hydrogenated oil. The more with fussy white frosting the better. I particularly like Pepperidge Farm’s coconut cake, which is just ludicrously delicious and is best eaten cold from the fridge.
Also, any candy at all if it’s holiday-themed. If it’s shaped like a bunny or a pumpkin, it tastes better.
How about you out there? Any deliciously trashy foods you want to recommend?