The Maxim Hot 100 List is out. Yeah, we’ve been waiting for this all year! Not only that, but the Good Surgeon’s Guide to the Top 10 Worst Celebrity Faces came out last week. And since we are connoisseurs of both beauty and hideousness here at Runnin’ Scared, we thought that we should undertake a thorough investigation of both lists — a side-by-side compare/contrast — to understand what is beautiful and what is not. Anything to explore the science of attraction, you know?
But 100 hotties is obviously just a ruse for advertising purposes, so we’re gonna narrow it down to 10 and 10. The best of the best and the worst of the worst. Here they are, in a beauty death match against one another for all of posterity. Can you guess which is which?
9. Kim Kardashian, sometime model/reality TV personage/author vs. Janice Dickinson, former model/reality TV personage/author
7. Elisabetta Canalis, model/actress/necklace-lover vs. Mickey Rourke, actor/necklace-lover
6. Pete Burns, recording artist, wearer of shocking androgynous clothing, fingernails, and hairstyles vs. Rihanna, recording artist/wearer of shocking androgynous clothing, fingernails, and hairstyles
5. Cher, lace-loving actress/model/singer vs. Megan Fox, actress/model who loves to look like Cher
3. Donatella Versace, avatar-person vs. Zoe Saldana, Avatar-person
2. Jodie Marsh, frequently topless celeb who got married on TV vs. Brooklyn Decker, Sports Illustrated swimsuit model, wife of Andy Roddick
And the number 1 hottie/worst-faced person… blue-eyed, mullet-haired rockers Katy Perry vs. Iggy Pop! If you love them, you’ll love this mashup.
What have we learned? It seems there is but a fine, surgically crafted line between good-looking and hideously ugly. Just look at Megan Fox’s thumbs. Also, don’t believe what you read in magazines.
By the way, 39 percent of Brits value appearance over talents and achievements, according to the Good Surgeon’s Guide poll. And 98 percent of Americans think that if you’re ugly but have money — even if you’re an ancient rocker with the face of a rhesus monkey — you’re still gonna get laid, no problem.