New York

Clitter is the New Vajazzling


Today in things that make us dry heave, an advancement in the art of Vajazzling. You may remember a few months back when “actress” and John Mayer dumpee Jennifer Love Hewitt revealed in her horrendous self-help book, The Day I Shot Cupid, that she had bedazzled her “hoohah” (her word) with Swarovski crystals to help her get over a bad break-up.

To set the record straight, the actual Jazzle lands more in the lower abdominal region, and is less reminiscent of “As Seen on TV” clothing bedazzlers than the scene in Mean Girls when Karen (Amanda Seyfried) applies sticky plastic gems to her chest in a backwards “K.” “Baldazzling,” aka, bedazzling a bald head, and the more rare case of “penazzling” followed suit. When Fox News’s relationship expert called it “kind of snazzy,” the phenomenon had clearly reached max-cultural saturation.

But we move on quickly in the culture of vajay ornamentation — and today, we move on to Clitter. The completely reliable source of Perez Hilton filed this product under “wacky, tacky, and TRUE” despite the hokey, College Humor-esque infomercial which includes such testimony as “Thanks Clitter for turning my labia into a YAYbia,” and “Clitter turned my yeast infection into a jewel collection.”

WARNING: Using Clitter while pregnant may result in sparkle babies.

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