Dear Wal-Mart: Please Stay Away from New York City, and Take Your Snakes with You


Recently we learned that Wal-Mart might be making a surreptitious attempt to invade the borders of our fine boroughs. And though the convenience superstore ultimately denied (for now) that they’re moving in on Brooklyn, we still don’t trust them. They’ve been up to no good before. And before that.

Beyond sexual harassment suits, however, there’s this matter of the snakes. More than 7 people have been bitten or otherwise attacked by snakes at various Wal-Mart garden centers. And the latest lawsuit involves some truly terrifying stuff.

Marion Jarrell, Wal-Mart shopper, was innocently “selecting plants to purchase in the garden center” of a Jacksonville, Florida, branch of the store, when she “felt a sharp sting in her forearm.”

According to the lawsuit:

When she pulled her arm back from the plants, a large, black snake was attached to her arm. The snake had bitten deeply into her arm and attached itself to her with its fangs. The snake was long enough that it hung down below her knee.

Ms. Jarrell shook her arm to try to get the venomous reptile to release its painful grip. As she did so, the snake became more aggressive, wrapping itself around her leg and tightening its bite. Ms. Jarrell was finally able to remove the fangs of the snake from her forearm by pulling against the snake that was now wrapped around her leg.

Adding injury to insult, she shook her leg to remove the snake and “injured her knee on a display table holding the plants.”

Marion and her husband are now seeking damages of $15,000. Which we have to say, it sounds like they deserve. Holy crap. Also, what about the poor snake?

Dear Wal-Mart: Life in New York is already hard enough without this kind of thing. We’re plenty happy shopping at the neighborhood bodega, rats included.

Also, we really don’t need this kind of behavior:

In Philadelphia, Renee Johnson-Ghee says she was deterred from visiting the health and beauty aisle by two women who were spraying generous amounts of body sprays and perfumes onto themselves and around the aisle.

After shopping in another aisle, Johnson-Ghee returned to the health and beauty aisle to find the women were still there, and still coating themselves in beauty products. This time, she says, she did not have the chance to flee the aisle, because glossy coating of body sprays and perfumes on the floor made her slip and fall, hurting her ankle, knee and hip.

Hell yeah, she’s suing.