Via NBC New York, here’s footage of what was apparently the world’s largest dodgeball game ever, which took place last night at the 69th Armory. You remember the beginning of Saving Private Ryan, when they invade Normandy?
Right, this is nothing like that, because this is the worst kind of dodgeball game ever, where everyone tries to grab a ball and then hide behind the more agile, daring guys. The New York Times’ City Room report even recognizes what pansies these guys are:
Kevin Way, 23, and his friends wore plastic glasses without lenses. “It’s like a pity thing,” he said. “No one is going to hit the kid with glasses.”
I really, really hope that kid got hit really, really fucking hard. As opposed to this person, who is clearly a soldier:
The fluffy balls offended some purists. “They should sting; life stings sometimes,” said a man who runs Brooklyn Dodgeball and would give only his nickname, Shirtless Tom, because he is also a schoolteacher. A spectator whispered that he had once knocked someone unconscious playing dodge. Shirtless Tom, who ripped off his wind pants midgame to reveal American flag shorts, confirmed that the story was true.
As it turns out, they actually did set the record for Biggest Dodgeball Game Ever as Guinness certified it. So who put it together?
A corporation, of course:
To commemorate the launch of their Reality handset on Verizon, Samsung is attempting to set the Guinness record for the world’s largest game of dodgeball at the 69th Regiment Armory in New York. Over 1,500 potential dodgeball champions will square off, all for the glory of receiving a new phone (oh, and some gift cards).
The war machine keeps turning. But some soldiers get to expense phone bills.