Why You Should Absolutely Despise That Ass-Clown You Dated in a Moment of Rare Weakness


All we really need after a breakup is someone to tell us our ex totally sucked and was not worth the time of day anyway, and by the way, so did not deserve anyone remotely as nice and smart and hilarious and good-looking (not to mention talented!) as we are. And, oh yeah, he/she will probably go on to date total losers who are far more suited to his/her standing in life. Because that’s who the sort of person with the gall and unparalleled idiocy to end things with you is really meant to end up with. Also, lots and lots of tequila shots.


Well, of course it’s right. Not only is it right, it’s a scientifically proven fact.

According to a recent article in Cognition and Emotion, scientists did a study of 65 undergraduates who had recently broken up with someone they’d been dating more than four months. They were asked to fill out a questionnaire about their ex, and then take a test rating their reactions to negative words (like, especially, the name of their former boyfriend/girlfriend — that craven slutbag!).

What they found was that people who indicated strong negative feelings about their ex in the immediate aftermath of the breakup were less likely to be depressed. The subjects were re-tested a month later, and those whose feelings had grown more negative also generally felt better, explains Tom Bartlett of The Chronicle of Higher Education.

Per the researchers, “Future work should explore whether friends and family members might help people adjust to a recent breakup by drawing attention to the negative aspects of the former relationship.”

Hey, we’ll cut your “future work” in half: If your friends aren’t telling you how much your ex sucks, they’re not really your friends. Even if if it’s a bald-faced lie, just like that narsty old ex of yours.

So go ahead, hate, hate, hate! We always thought he/she was an asshole anyway. As for the scientific benefits of extracting revenge, that study is still in the works.