Ever have one of those days where you think everyone’s out to get you? That would make you paranoid, because there aren’t people out to get you, because the people who would be out to get you are out to get other people.
Unless you’re former Mets player and misogynist Mets sportscaster Keith Hernandez.
“I knew some people, and I had $2,000, and I asked them to break his arms,” Carbo told ESPN’s “Outside the Lines,” in an interview airing Sunday.
That’d be Bernie Carbo, the retired outfielder and designated hitter whose career lasted from 1969 to 1980, because Hernandez ratted on the guy in federal court as the person who first showed him how to “blow” past first base. With cocaine. Hence the word “blow” in scare quotes. This all happened during a trial in 1985 where a bunch of ballplayers’ pusher man was on trial. But he’s a little sorry for, uh, previously wanting to break Hernandez’s arms now:
“If I was to be with Keith Hernandez today, I would tell Keith Hernandez I’m sorry that I introduced you to the drug and I’m sorry that I was your problem,” Carbo said.
Given the fact that Hernandez is using his arms these days more as a pillow than the deadly guns they once were – or that broken arms could possibly benefit the Mets’ bullpen at this point – I really can’t imagine he’d care anyway. Also, breaking Keith Hernandez’s arms – with his participation, of course – could be a new way to get people to actually come watch the Mets play baseball, and given their freefall attendance rates, is an idea that could actually be taken as a serious idea at some point (Memo to Mets management: Don’t). But just for the hell of it, both may relieve the glory days with the following jam: