If You Want to Jump Off of the Brooklyn Bridge Today, It Might Work


It’s not like anybody can stop you. Apparently, if you’re going to jump off of a bridge today, it appears that our city’s services really can’t stop you, even if you just want them to call you on your bluff and need someone to talk to.

As the story goes, via the New York Post, a man with a history of mental issues was caught masturbating in the West Broadway women’s room of the office he worked in before proceeding to the Brooklyn Bridge, where he walked in traffic, and was confronted by police. The police then:

Wrestled the man to try to get him in handcuffs, but he fought them all off. Spanish tourist Begona Lopez Txaramunto captured the startling struggle in a series of photos obtained by The Post.

A lieutenant arrived and told the cops to back away as he prepared to subdue the man with the stun gun, sources said. It didn’t go off, and the man climbed onto the exterior of the bridge, where he stripped naked.

Cops from the Emergency Service Unit tried to talk him down, but he jumped from the span 122 feet above the East River.

So basically, they tried to:

Tackle the guy; it didn’t work.
Talk the guy down; that didn’t work.
Tase a guy, and that didn’t work.

And then he ended up jumping.

Of course, he probably should’ve called the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (800-273-TALK), as should you if you’re feeling like you’re having one of those crazy days. Or you should just wait until tomorrow, when you can count on any random series of four cops having their shit together enough to stop a guy from jumping (though typically, when they actually do tase people in high places, that doesn’t go well either). Next plan, maybe?