Really hating BP right now but not sure how to take out your aggression on anyone but your significant other? Follow the new fake Twitter of the moment, BPGlobalPR, which as of this post had more than 10,000 followers. (BP’s legitimate Twitter, BP_America, had but 4,472 followers.)
BPGlobalPR (and its associated site, BP Cares), which purports to “get BP’s message and mission statement out into the twitterverse!” is a farce in the best way that things are Internet farces — that is, it’s only hurting BP, and, frankly, who among us doesn’t support that right now? Plus, the 140-character ironic rants are funny in that if-you-don’t-laugh-you’ll-cry sort of way, starting with the inaugural tweet …
And continuing up through the many, many (too many) gallons of oil spilled…
“You think an oil gusher is bad? How ’bout the dentist!!”
“Catastrophe is a strong word, let’s all agree to call it a whoopsie daisy.”
“Jesus walked on water and soon you can too! (Please pray for BP, we’re losing a lot of oil).”
…Not to mention, promises of free BP T-shirts ($25 shipping) to anyone who’s “upset.”
Meanwhile, BP_America’s social media guru is doing a spectacularly shitty job of tweeting corporate-speak that’s devoid of personality or remorse (have we learned nothing from politicians?). Case in point:
Mark Smith of the Free Press says “BP has a strong case to ask Twitter to remove the account, which will surely happen any moment now. Take a look while the account is still valid; it won’t be around for much longer.”
Do, because fake BP Twitter is amusing. But what’s not amusing is that the leak is still going, and that no one seems to have more than the barest of inklings of how to actually fix it. (By the way, that hair boom thing didn’t work.) Oh, yeah, and BP has continued spraying the hilariously named but rather toxic chemical dispersant “Corexit” into the Gulf despite the EPA’s demand that they use something less toxic.
According to Doug Suttles, BP COO, the company is “doing everything we can.” But when asked about the chances of success, based on a 1-10 scale, Suttles said it was around 6 or 7. “I wish it was a 10, but there are certain things I can’t know.”
That much is evident. As is the fact that until that “success” happens (and probably even when it does) BP’s reputation is about 5,000 miles underwater, covered in black crude, riddled with an enormous hole, with mud being shot at it.
Sometimes doing everything you can is just not good enough.