Pity the poor slob who has a full scholarship to a slightly less than tony college but instead chooses to pay in full at more “statusy” NYU — from which he subsequently graduates with a “ticket to financial security,” gets a job, and promptly loses it during the worst recession ever while still owing $275,000 to the college loan people, who have him by the balls now and forever.
Ah, good old Decision-Making 101! If you’d gone to a state school, you mighta heard of it.
Anyway, things go from bad to worse for this sad sack, who ends up commuting two hours each way (into Port Authority no less) to his shitty new job in the the city while he lives with three roommates above a gas station, with no air conditioning, in some godforsaken town “in Pennsylvania” … and presumably, never, ever gets laid.
‘Cause he owes $275,000. It’s not an American dream. It’s “more like an American nightmare.”
Oh, and then some heavy-enunciating, big-hair CNN reporter (who, by the way, went to Boston College and Medill and from the looks of her bling has no debt whatsoever) tracks him down and, while pretending to be sympathetic but not even buying him a coffee, makes him look like an ass on national TV.
This, friends, is the definition of schadenfreude. Seriously, watch the video, it’s worth it.
Aw, Ryan … if you play your cards right, maybe you can at least get a book deal out of this. All that bus time has to be good for something.
This also proves that being the high school salutorian means absolutely nothing. Yeah, you know who you are.