The Sarah Palin Family Memorial Day Movie Marathon, Courtesy of Joe McGinniss


When writing a book on something, or more importantly someone, an intimate knowledge of the subject matter is a basic necessity. For Joe McGinniss, who’s working on Sarah Palin’s Year of Living Dangerously, due in the fall of 2011, proximity seemed key, too, so he moved in next door to the former Alaskan governor and vice presidential candidate in Wasilla. Palin wasn’t very pleased, and like she did with that pervy David Letterman, she implied that McGinniss was some sort of pedophile: “Wonder what kind of material he’ll gather while overlooking [young daughter] Piper’s bedroom, my little garden, and the family’s swimming hole?” Then she posted a photo of McGinniss’s new digs on Facebook.

Now, with Monday’s day off from school, we can only hope that Sarah and Todd are sitting the kids down for a very important lesson in safety when it comes to creeping neighbors. After the jump, a short list for the programming schedule, along with a takeaway point from each scary-neighbor flick.

McGinniss, in his defense, told David Carr that “it’s actually a large lake, Lake Lucille, and said that he had no plans to take pictures or intrude on the family.” And to The Washington Post: “I wanted to say, ‘I’m writing this book, but I hope we can just get along as good neighbors, and after that, you’ll never hear from me again,’ said McGinniss. ‘That’s basically what I told Todd on Monday when he came over. He didn’t really want to hear that.'” So the Palins threw up a giant fence. But no amount of tall wood will supply a defense like knowledge of the following films:

Read Window
— This Hitchcock classic will remind the kids to always close the blinds.

American Beauty — McGinniss is likely homicidal, and maybe even a homosexual. Keep close eye on Track — Daddy Todd, too — especially on rainy nights.

Peeping Tom — Why else would McGinniss feel the need to spy on the Palins if not for his twisted father performing science experiments on him? To defeat the enemy, you must first understand his genesis.

The ‘Burbs — One word: cannibalism.

Arlington Road — One word: terrorism. Two words: domestic terrorism.

Disturbia — It’s like Rear Window, but Shia LaBeouf is way cuter, right, Bristol?

Lakeview Terrace — Samuel Jackson, interracial relationships, and guns — only one of these is allowed in Wasilla. But the children need to know how the other half lives.

Bristol, Trig, Willow, Piper, Track, and Levi, wherever you are: Watch closely, heed these lessons, and don’t talk to strangers.