In what can only be described as one of the more aggressively shit-starting plays in the history of humanitarian aid, yet another Gaza-bound activist-filled flotilla is headed towards an Israeli blockade in Gaza like, four days after the last “loveboat” got eight humanitarian activists killed and worried Americans about Turkey for the first time since Midnight Express. Here are three fun facts about the boat that will likely turn into one of the modern geopolitics’ greater naval hot messes later this afternoon:
1. What’s the boat called? It’s named the “Rachel Corrie.” After the “Shiksa” activist who was mowed down by an Israeli Defense Force bulldozer in 2003, consequently becoming a martyr to international support of Palestinian independence. This is also like calling your boat “The Tidal Wave” or “The Pissed-Off Somalian Pirate.” You’re kind of just asking for it.
2. What’s on the boat? Their humanitarian aid mission is bringing “hundreds of tons of aid, including wheelchairs, medical supplies and concrete” to Gaza. And now you know: Gaza is apparently very wheelchair accessible, or they’re planning on making Gaza very wheelchair accessible. If the Israelis really wanted to destroy the Palestinians, they’d just let this boat sail on through: Building contractors are just the worst. The worst. There’s only one honest contractor for every 200,000 crooked ones, and that’s just in New York City. You think they’re gonna find a good one down there? Right.
3. Who’s on the boat? Eleven people, including “Irish Nobel Peace Prize laureate Mairead McGuire and the former head of the U.N. Oil-for-Food program in Iraq, Denis Halliday,” Which is two less people than the number of activists killed in the flotilla fiasco of earlier this week. Hopefully, Irish Nobel Peace Prize laureate Mairead McGuire isn’t about to try to hand out beatdowns to the IDF soldiers who will inevitably board them later today. It’s like the Mediterranean Sea’s version of “Sloop John B.”
And that’s the thing: The last flotilla trip turned into a mess because the activists – many of whom had vested interests in Gaza – got fresh in the middle of an international dispute. Do you really fight the guys with guns? This boat’s a political one, a purely symbolic gesture, the kind that’s not going to get anybody killed and just bound to piss the Israelis off. They will probably stop it, and take everyone on board, and take the boat. And then more political activists will do it. And the Israelis will get pissed off again. And so on. Essentially, what’s about to happen is a giant seaside game of Marco Polo, and it’s not likely to stop until someone drains the water out from under them or some responsible parents actually pick their kids up from the pool (see: United Nations as the Danielle Steele-reading parent who tells the kids to stop splashing her).
Meanwhile, on the other side of the world, some British Guys continue to doodie in the ecosystem. Here’s to a constructive summer: