The New iPhone Features, Re-Revealed: The Basics


Remember that time Gawker Media gadget blog Gizmodo got their hands on an iPhone prototype, and it caused a big deal and mess and all kinds of fun trouble? Well, Apple had their big WWDC conference — where they reveal all the new fun toys they have that you’re going to blow money on — and re-revealed what we’d already learned months ago, today. Here’s what you need to know about it:

  • It’s smaller. Less “Is that an iPhone in your pocket, or are you happy to see me?” jokes might come of this.
  • But heavier. As the figurative weight of the toll owning an iPhone takes on one’s life inches closer to the literal one.
  • It got a bigger battery. 16% larger, so your phone is going to die on you 16% less, or something.
  • It’s got a better display. So you can see the terrible emails you get regularly better.
  • The main camera is better. It’s got a flash, which is going to make your concert-going experience and any other moments you’d rather preserve with your memory who others are cheapening by the photo that much worse.
  • It has a front-facing camera, for videoconferencing. If you thought people screaming at their phones in public was bad before, think again.
  • It’s got better insides. The processors and computer chips and all the crazy things that run it that most people don’t understand got Harder, Better, Faster, and Stronger. It’s running the same computer magic that makes the iPad so “special.”
  • It’s got a gyroscope thingey inside of it. So it knows not just directions, but the pitch, yaw, speed, and velocity with which you throw it at someone/a wall.
  • It’s got nicer-looking buttons. Can’t hate on nice buttons.

Unfortunately, it’s still on AT&T, and it really only serves to bring the information that tortures you on a daily basis at faster speeds. It will not do your homework, it is not a hoverboard, and you can not make or destroy clouds with it. That said, investors will likely be impressed, and everyone’s going to buy one, because that’s how this racket works.