Debrahlee Lorenzana’s Big (Boob) Mistake: Ever Going Into Banking


The problem with ever being on a reality TV show is that if anything happens to put you in the public eye again (or if you put yourself there on purpose), people are gonna dig up clips of that old show — where, say, you professed your love for plastic surgery and your desire for 32 DD-breasts, which you showcased using an array of fruit — and nobody’s going to take you seriously ever again. Well, at least for 15 minutes.

Today, the Daily News (thank you for being all over this story, guys) comes up with some grainy photos and a practically vintage (hailing from 2003, like, the birth of reality TV!) clip from a Discovery Health Channel series that captured our Debrahlee expressing the (shall we say dubious?) goal of becoming “tits on a stick” — you know, like a Pam Anderson/Carmen Electra hybrid. Hey, goals are important in life.

Of historical note: This series was called “Plastic Surgery New York Style,” which might as well be dubbed the teen mother of all great reality TV shows. Real Housewives of New York should pay some homage right now.

Okay, in fairness, Debrahlee was only 26 when she appeared on this show — and got her second boob job — and we’ve all made mistakes in our youth, I dare say. Who knew later in life she might try to sue a bank that had (allegedly) treated her unfairly and would want to be taken seriously?

But, the point that the Daily News does not make and that we will is…who cares if you’ve had 45 breast augmentations and done everything else humanly and monetarily possible to make yourself hot as hell? At the end of the day, you should still not be discriminated against, right?

“Whatever her assets are, they don’t have a right to comment on them or objectify her,” said lawyer Jack Tuckner.

Well, that’s kinda true, if pervy.

The reason that discrimination needs to be protected against by law is that it’s in our blood — we can’t help it. As a body of humans, we prefer attractive people. Look at every dating study that’s ever existed! We also prefer those who smell good, who are not excessively overweight, or who don’t fall into sudden, violent rampages. We are discriminating! That’s why we can’t just willy-nilly fire people — well, until they start passing threatening notes or whatever.

What’s weird is that in her effort to make herself as beautiful as possible, Debrahlee went a little crazy, even becoming so beautiful as to be discriminated against in reverse. Which some might say is the attention she wanted in the first place, but what it really says to us is that she ended up in the wrong line of work. Hollywood, honey! They’re all like you there — have you seen Nicole Kidman lately? (It’s not too late, you’re only 33!)

Meanwhile, note to self: Cancel all future reality TV casting calls. We may want to run for president some day.