World Cupdate: USA and England Score the Same Amount of Baskets, Tie


It’s hard to explain the collective feelings of the United States when it comes to the World Cup this afternoon. As mentioned earlier, energy is a contagious thing, especially when it comes to bandwagon fans. And so it was going to take a pretty special underdog performance from the U.S. team to ensure they had a slight grip on the nation’s attention. Things didn’t start out well — it took England only four minutes to strike, taking the lead and deflating American egos. But thanks to a crucial mistake by English keeper Robert Green, the U.S. was able to hang on for a 1-1 tie. Many are wondering, “What’s with this ‘tie’ shit?” Let’s settle this like men who roll around on the grass crying and holding their legs!

See, it’s not until the round of 16 teams that extra time and eventually penalty kicks decide games tied at the end of regulation. (That’s 90 minutes, remember?) And for many American fans who expected embarrassment from their over-matched club, a tie feels something like a win. The problem is, it’s not a win. It’s boring. And we shouldn’t settle.

Instead, we should:

Remember who won the war. Yeah, meaning the Revolutionary one. Point: U.S.A.

Have an online poll over which goal was better. Considering England really scored both of them… Point: England

Decide the match by cheering contest, like a talent show. The U.S. were expected to have as many as 2,000 more fans than the English side. Plus, don’t Europeans know us as boisterous? Point: U.S.

Chugging contest! From the land of Bros Icing Bros, we should just concede this one. Point: England

Shit, tie.

The U.S. plays Slovenia on Friday.