Have you familiarized yourself with the trendiest form of casual trepanation through liquor consumption to hit the streets, commonly referred to as Bros Icing Bros? It’s a procedure-cum-game in which you force those you love to drink The Worst Malt Liquor Beverage on Earth, Smirnoff Ice, because you actually hate them, hate everyone, and want to see it rot and die, because destruction breeds creation, or something. Well, time to recognize: You now partake in your Urban Ritualism at the risk of not only disobeying the law of the land, but being punished for doing so. In other words: THE BROLICE ARE COMING, BRO!
Yes, it’s true. One young Brooklynette recently found herself witness to this very stranglehold on freedom of expression (hereby known as BROLICE BROTALITY). She recently wrote on her Tumblr blog:
The real ultimate insult.
I just saw someone get a ticket from a cop on the Bedford L platform after getting iced by a friend.
Ouch. Certainly, this was inevitable. Hell, Smirnoff saw it coming. A game that encourages (and is predicated) partly on the shock of having to drink in public — even though most people who can fit keys into doors commonly recognize Smirnoff Ice as anything but an alcoholic beverage, the same way a human vegetable doesn’t constitute a human being — was bound to run into The Long Arm of The Law at one point or another. Yet, there appears to be no rules, regulations, or stipulations to cover getting arrested for the thing you knew you’d get arrested for with the official authorities on Bros Icing Bros. This is like that time in history before the NBA had their own gun control policies: game recognize game, and game recognize the need to change the game, or the rules of the game, as it were. But games, they need rules, and they need regulatory bodies. We’ve contacted the offiical regulatory body for Bros Icing Bros to get a ruling on what happens when a Bro has been the victim of Aggressive Brolicing. Our correspondence:
From: Kamer, Foster
Sent: Mon 6/14/2010 10:59 AM
Subject: Bros Getting Arrested Icing Bros
AS A REPORTER ASSIGNED TO THE BEAT OF BROS ICING BROS AND THE STORIES BEHIND THE LIVES OF THOSE ICING AND BEING ICED, I MUST BROPOSE A QUESTION: WHAT IS THE OFFICIAL BROS ICING BROS RULING ON BROS GETTING ARRESTED AND/OR TICKETED BY THE BROLICE? WE NEED A RULING THAT RULES. WE NEED TO BE TOLD EVERYTHING’S GOING TO BE BROKAY, LEST WE KEEP GETTING BROWBEATEN.
THE VILLAGE VOICE
BEAT REPORTER – BRO CULTURE
We will report back to you with the results.