Fucked Up’s Pink Eyes Naked: Infinitely More Rewarding than Lindsay Lohan Nude Pix


When 300 pounds of perspiring flesh take the stage to recite the lyrics of a band the New York Times refuses to pronounce, reverse psychology occurs. To alleviate our fear of what is, by any standard, a very large man, we flip the classic stage fright device — “picture your audience naked” — and project it onto that 300 pound creature we affectionately call Pink Eyes. We like to see the Fucked Up frontman naked and, thankfully, he complies. In celebration of his total lack of self-consciousness, we’ve rounded up our favorite blush-inducing Pink Eyes poses.

The Jesus Mangina
Primavera Sound Festival, Barcelona. May 29, 2009

Was no one paying attention at last year’s Primavera, when the lord and savior Jesus Christ descended from the heavens? And who could’ve guessed he’d be sporting a mangina? It’s a subtle gesture, but an important one, as the meaning behind Pink Eyes’ crucifixion pose is twofold. First, it reiterates the sacrificial nature of his performances (the piece of glass lodged in his forehead is self-inflicted); second, the tucked-in man-bits emasculate his domineering stature to facilitate more inviting mosh pits. He’s like a big teddy bear.

Girls Gone Wild
Union Park, Chicago. July 18th, 2009

Pink Eyes’ exhibition of his fine breasts comes as no surprise — Fucked Up fans know that the man born Damian Abraham has a B.A. in Gender Studies. With this in mind, we can only conclude that he is attempting to liberate the female body from the narrow-minded grips of male-voyeurism. Girls Gone Wild be damned.

The Grand Canyon
Whelan’s, Dublin. August 21, 2008

Could it be post-modern symbolism for the schism between art-punk and hardcore, or is it just a menacing ass crack? Pink Eyes’ buttocks have no answers for your tortured soul. Embrace the ambiguity. I’d tap that.

The Kore
Phoenix Concert Theatre, Toronto. July 16th, 2009

Clearly a homage to the female Kore statue, Pink Eyes’ celebration of the womanly figure is gracious; his knowledge of ancient Greek sculpture, specifically the Archaic period, profound.

Van Gogh
Union Park, Chicago. July 18th, 2009

In any setting, maybe even a nursing home, Pink Eyes can incite violence with the flick of his ring finger. But the true sign of power, however, resides in the leader’s ability to control the uprising. Pink Eyes does precisely that, though he uses neither words nor his fists. A freaking awesome hat fashioned from punctured beach ball works just fine.

Vanity Fair
Zuiderpark, Rotterdam. July 5, 2009

“Sitting for Annie Leibovitz. No biggie.”