Only in Williamsburg: The Battle of Asshole and King Douche, Warring Neighbors


There are the wars man wages, there are the wars man fights, and then there are the wars that happen in our everyday lives that truly demonstrate the complete lack of necessity for war to exist, period. This is of course best exhibited in a place like Williamsburg, Brooklyn, where the embarrassing day-to-day wars of the citizenry are waged embarrassingly.

Via Curbed, basically, someone threw a party on their roof, and someone else was pissed about it. It happened in a building in Williamsburg that — naturally — has a blog. Curbed identified it as132 North 5th Street (once called ‘one of the most notorious shitshows in Williamsburg’)“. The blog posted the note. It looks like this:

Why would this only happen in Williamsburg? Because everywhere else in New York, there are either:

(A) Nu-Manhattanites who are too meek to fend for themselves and say something.
(B) Manhattanites who just don’t care enough and have more important problems to deal with than the errant detritus of a roof party.
(C) New Yorkers who would just find The Asshole In Question, knock on their door, and get in their face about it until they stop or move out.
(D) Crafty New Yorkers who don’t go down without a fight, and will scheme to ensure you will never, ever, ever think about misplacing your party mess, let alone even having one to begin with.
(E) New Yorkers who know their neighbors, and have for four generations.
(F) Co-op boards. Who will make your life hell, because they can actually cost you money for this kind of thing.

And in Williamsburg, there are those who would rather just use their well-honed wit to both advocate for an issue, and likewise, to reply to well-honed wit all the same (“poster writer = king douche”). As it goes! We will be contacting the poster-writer to see what came of this war, and if there emerged a victor. For now, however, we’re going to have to settle on what’s in plain view: that “Asshole” emerged victorious over “King Douche,” because one obviously put much more effort, time, and anger into something the other likely didn’t consider beyond their response, a concise sixteen word retort.